The Humor Impaired Strike Again

Hat tip to Anne, head of research for the forthcoming monthly Chippy Awards.

I thought the episode was funny.

Swearing and random death and destruction are staples of the cartoon, which has been broadcast since 1997. Irwin, killed by a stingray's barb while snorkeling the Great Barrier Reef in September is the latest celebrity to be lampooned by the show.

The episode, aired in the U.S. earlier this week, shows Satan preparing to host a Halloween fancy dress party. Other guests include Princess Diana, Hitler and rapper Notorious B.I.G. Critics have been appalled by the Irwin character's depiction in a bloodstained shirt and with a stingray still attached to his chest.

I will admit I had an "I can't believe they're doing this" moment, but then I remembered who the writers are. Plus, it was genuinely funny.

Basically, at a costume party Satan is holding at the "W" in Vegas, Satan tries to eject someone wearing a "Croc Hunter" costume, complete with sting-ray in the chest, basically saying "Dude, it's just too soon for that". When he discovers that it actually is Steve Irwin (the dead have been invited to the party as well, there's Hitler, Gacey, George Burns, etc...), Satan looks nonplussed for second and then says "No costume. You have to leave."

Priceless.

I find it interesting that more people seem upset by this than by the fact that some of the Catholic priests in the episode had naked pre-teens on dog-leashes.

Whatever. People need to lighten up and get a sense of humor. And yes if it had been my dad or brother or whatever that was being lampooned, I would have laughed as well. Because they both have the same wicked sense of humor I do and would have appreciated it for what it was.

Something funny.

There Is But One True God, And Mohammed Is His Bitch

Really, why is this even news.

COPENHAGEN, Denmark (AP) -- A Danish court on Thursday dismissed a lawsuit filed by Muslim organizations against the newspaper that first published the Prophet Mohammed cartoons that touched off protests in the Islamic world.

The City Court in Aarhus said it could not be ruled out that some Muslims had been offended by the 12 drawings printed in Jyllands-Posten, but said there was no reason to assume that the cartoons were meant to "belittle Muslims."

Who cares whether the cartoons were meant to belittle Muslims. That's not exactly the point. The point is whether I can express my opinion about any topic I want. Whether it's my favorite color, political statements, or criticism of a cult of violence and death. Granted, it's harder to express yourself in Europe than in the US, because you can be successfully prosecuted for offensive speech in some countries. Fortunately, based on this dismissal, Denmark isn't one of them.

If this had been an issue involving a depiction of Jesus, Moses, or one of the many incarnations of Buddha, this would have largely been a non-issue. Sure there would have been some people upset. But I can guarantee that there would be few, if any, calling for death and/or dismemberment. The worst would be people saying it was in bad taste. There definitely would not be world-wide riots and outrage as a result.

The seven Muslim groups filed the defamation lawsuit against the paper in March, after Denmark's top prosecutor declined to press criminal charges, saying the drawings did not violate laws against racism or blasphemy.

There are laws against blasphemy? What the hell? How can it be blasphemy if you don't even believe their tripe? And last I looked, Denmark was not part of the Caliphate.

The lawsuit said the cartoons depict Mohammed "as belligerent, oppressing women, criminal, crazy and unintelligent, and a connection is made between the Prophet and war and terror."

Oh, this is rich. Could the depiction possibly be a result of the fact that Islam itself is belligerent, oppresses women, and is composed insane asshats who embrace death and chaos? Who can blame people for assuming your "Prophet" is part of the whole deal? I mean, you obviously put a lot of stock into what he has said. It's not such a far leap to figure that he must espouse these ideas. Look at how Islamics in the Middle East act. You get judged on actions, not intentions. Although, in this case I think that Islams actions truly do reflect its intentions.

Islam, it's time to act like an adult member of the world's religions. These tantrums don't solve anything. If anything it just pisses people off. Even Europeans, who are known for tolerating and accommodating almost anything in the name of multi-culturalism, are getting a little irritated.

The Ride Of The Pedantic Ranger

This is disturbing enough.

Authorities in northern New Mexico have stumbled onto what appears to be classified information from Los Alamos National Laboratory while arresting a man suspected of domestic violence and dealing methamphetamine from his mobile home.

Sgt. Chuck Ney of the Los Alamos Police Department said the information was discovered during a search last Friday of the man's records for evidence of his drug business.

Police alerted the FBI to the secret documents, which agents traced back to a woman linked to the drug dealer, officials said. The woman is a contract employee at Los Alamos National Laboratory, according to an FBI official who spoke on condition of anonymity because of the sensitive nature of the case.

You know after the Schroedinger's Hard Drive incident (first they were lost/stolen, then determined to never have existed), the ease of wandering into the facility, and other security gaffs, I'm no longer surprised at anything that happens at Los Alamos. Well, I take that back. I would be surprised if the only news that came out of there was actually science related and not about yet another security breach.

But this... this is what bothers me.

"Los Alamos has always seemed to be rewarded for its screw-ups," Brian said. "We're waiting with baited breath to see if anything has changed."

What is it you ask? Is it that I disagree with this statement? That I agree with this statement?

Neither.

Look at the quote again. Now read this site.

It's bated! Bated, you illiterate mockery of a journalist! Not baited. What, did he eat a worm, hence getting worm breath, hence baiting his breath to attract birds?

I thought if you were a journalist, you were required to have at least a passing familiarity with the English language. Thanks for making everyone who read your article just a little bit dumber.

God, I hate journalists almost as much as I do politicians.

UPDATE:

CNN, which is carrying the same AP article has the correct usage. But the FOX article, which is linked above, still has the incorrect usage. It looks like CNN had access to a dictionary.

Technology Tuesday

Just a quick roundup of tech news.

New Releases

Firefox 2.0 is scheduled for release later today. Not sure on the exact time, but keep checking the site.

Fedora Core 6 (Zod) was released today. It appears the Fedora Project site is down for the count right now. I'm guessing it got hammered by everyone trying to be the first to download the installation image.

Ubunutu Linux 6.10 (Edgy Eft) is scheduled for release on October 26, 2006.


Expect An Uptick In Epileptic Seizures

Here's a raincoat that has flickering lights activated by rain hitting sensors embedded in the nylon.


Quantum Malware

It appears people are already thinking about ways to infect the new breed of computers. Still conceptual, but hell, so are quantum computers.

I'm Ahead Of The Curve

I've held this idiot in contempt for years...

In a worst-case scenario for Thompson, the outspoken attorney could be jailed by Judge Friedman if he were ruled in contempt.

However, a knowledgeable legal source has told GamePolitics that options such as fines, judicial admonishment or censure are more likely.

Take special care to read his email rant quoted at the link above. I can just imagine him frothing at the mouth as he pounded this barely coherent missive out on his keyboard.

This loon needs to be disbarred.

The Chippies

After reading crap like this, and this, I'm seriously considering going on a fifty state tour with the ol' wood-chipper.

I'd chronicle the despicable actions of these aberrant shit-bags, but it seems this kind of shit happens at a remarkably, and infuriatingly, high frequency. I'd run out of space and time.

So I've decided to come up with a monthly award entry. I'll call them The Chippies. The winner is the most deserving to be fed feet first into a wood-chipper.

The trophy will be a small bag of sawdust.

Pirates Linked To Global Warming

Have you been touched by His Noodly Appendage?

The Mallard Duck of Freedom

So, I'm watching the World Series on FOX (because nothing else is on). As part of the pre-game, they brought John Mellencamp out to shill his new album by singing a song from it. It's that sickly saccharine Our Country song he already whored to Chevy (in fact the commercial ran right after). The performance was... meh.

However, what was priceless was the FOX cameras panning for reaction shots. Almost every person they focused on had an expression that is best described as bored disinterest. Some even looked downright hostile -- as in "start the damn game, already!" hostile.

It also had this weird montage that lasted all of 5 seconds before FOX pulled the stoned control board operator out of the trailer. The typical "Yay, America" pictures complete with the Amber Waves, Golden Gate Bridge... and a close up of a mallard duck at sunset (sunrise?). WTF? Of all the things that represent this country, a mallard duck is probably number 10,452 on the list. It was surreal. And I wish the montage would have gone on. It was much better than the closeups of the "we're f-ing cold, get this goon off the field and start the game" people in the stands.

Now, I've got nothing against John Mellencamp. But I've really got nothing for him either. I will extend my appreciation to him for giving me a good chuckle.

Anita Baker did a bang-up job National Anthem. That's a difficult song to do with instrumentation, but she pulled it off a capella. She was visibly excited at the end, and that was kinda cool.

Nukes of Hazard

Kim Jong Il just wants to be loved. Is that so bad? It was a cry for attention; a cry for help.

North Korean leader Kim Jong Il told a visiting Chinese delegation that the communist nation was not planning a second nuclear weapons test, a South Korean news agency reported Friday.

The news agency, Yonhap, attributed the information to a diplomatic source in Beijing.

Chinese State Councilor Tang Jiaxuan led a delegation that met Kim on Thursday in Pyongyang to deliver a message from Chinese President Hu Jintao.

I'm guessing that China had his balls in a vice. They are plenty pissed off. Maybe this is what China meant by not needing any military actions as penalties in the new sanctions.

I have this image of Kim Jong Il tied to a chair in a smokey, dim-lit room. Two juiced goons are next to him with sleeves rolled up and holding baseball bats. All the while a slim, reedy looking Chinese diplomat with reptilian eyes is staring hard at him saying, "Now about those nuclear tests..."

You know, the Al Capone School of Negotiation.

PS - That title is a blantant steal from the cover of a Red Eye issue(a tabloid format put out by the Chicago Tribune). It's a freaking brilliant title and I couldn't resist.

Hey! I'm Insane, Too!

Sensing the world's attention focused on North Korea's Kim Jong Il, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has issued a warning to Europe, reminding us that Kim Jong Il is not the only rabidly crazy world leader.

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has warned Europe that it may pay a heavy price for its support of Israel.

"You should believe that this regime (Israel) cannot last and has no more benefit to you. What benefit have you got in supporting this regime, except the hatred of the nations?" he said in nationally broadcast speech Friday.

"We have advised the Europeans that the Americans are far away, but you are the neighbors of the nations in this region," he said.

Does he really expect us to believe that Israel is the reason for this hatred? Or the hatred of the Middle East?

Please.

I think Steven Den Beste, back when he was writing on USS Clueless, exposed the real reason for the resentment and seemingly white hot fury aimed at the Western World. From his article written on 1 Aug 2002:

The problem is that Americans permit freedom of religion; Islam is tolerated and even celebrated here, along with many other religions. We certainly are making no important attempts to suppress it. But it doesn't seem to be dominating, and there's no sign that their attitudes are affecting us in any significant way. On the other hand, American ideas and attitudes are infiltrating their own societies and eating away at the foundation of Islamic practice. We offer things which are attractive to individuals, and they find them irresistible. Their young people want to wear blue-jeans. They want to listen to loud music. They like the idea of dating one another, just like young people do in the west. To reactionary Islamic zealots, it's not just that they don't seem to be spreading the faith, but that the faith is being eaten alive by a sinful attraction to our heathen ways. Islam is actually in retreat. It can't even be secure in its own nations, let alone try to take over ours.

The Q'uran also tells them that their nations should be powerful and important, and there was a time when it was true. The golden age of the Islamic empire was glorious. It also ended 600 years ago, and these days the reality is that the only reason that Saudi Arabia isn't a terribly impoverished third world nation is that it's sitting on reserves of oil. But among the Islamic nations, the only ones who have managed to succeed at anything other than selling natural resources have been those which have adopted western ways, western technology, western attitudes. The more devoutly Islamic a nation is, the more it seems to be a failure in all other ways. To be devout should mean being strong, but it seems to make them weak. It's almost as if the Q'uran was wrong – but the Q'uran cannot be wrong; it's the word of God.

So we (you and I) are a living, walking, talking heresy. We're not even trying to spread our culture to the Islamic nations; it just happens on its own because, quite frankly, they are not very fun places to live. Irrespective of whether a devout Islamic life might be good for the soul, it's boring and unpleasant for the body and mind. The people there prefer our lifestyle; they eagerly seek it out. We seem to have no interest at all in their culture, however, except as an intellectual curiosity. There's zero chance of American women adopting the abaya, for example.

In summary, we are an affront to their entire world-view. We are infidels, but worse than that we are prosperous and happy infidels with no desire to convert to the correct religion. And our prosperity is contagious. The hard-liners resent and fear this. The corruption, as they see it, of their culture is a deadly threat and they work tirelessly to eliminate its cause.

Us.

So when Iran says that our support of Isreal will cause a backlash, I say how can that be any worse than things stand now? Ahmadinejad's impetus is similar to Kim Jon Il's. He's simply being more subtle about it. His goal is to maneuver the situation so that the fear of the Middle East will soften or reduce the impact of any sanctions imposed by the UN over their nuclear program. North Korea was a wake-up call for the UN. It showed that a hard stance is needed at the outset, with tough sanctions that actually have teeth.

This is the last thing Iran wants or needs. After all this bluster and posturing, he stands to lose enormous face in the Middle East if the Western world manages to effectively castrate his nuclear program.

But this is exactly what we need to do. Ahmadinejad has shown that he is not the most... emotionally stable of world leaders. I truly fear what would happen if he manages to join the club of nuclear powers.

Do I think that Iran would bootstrap their program from energy production to weapons production?

Yes, I do. I also think that these weapons will end up in the hands of extremists. Iran has already shown it's willingness to arm terrorist organizations such as Hezbollah with large scale munitions and weapons.

It's time to make a stand.

Holy Bad Touch, Batman!

Honest to God, I though Foley was making this up.

Stingrays 2, Humans 0

I have to laugh.

A leaping stingray stabbed an 81-year-old Florida boater in the chest, authorities said Wednesday, leaving its poisonous stinger lodged close to his heart in an incident recalling the one that killed Australian TV naturalist Steve Irwin last month.

Now the damn things are leaping out of the water to get us.

Jihad 2.0

This has got me a little concerned.

On October 17, 2006, an Islamist website posted a message titled "You Can Spy on the Enemies' Airports Directly by Controlling the Cameras' Direction." The message contains a link to a screen showing what it claims to be a live view of various areas within Anchorage International Airport via several cameras (http://209.193.48.89/view/index.shtml). The message gives directions for how to control the cameras and promises to provide links in the future for other airports as well.

The sample screen-shots on that page are from "Ted Stevens Anchorage International Airport". I thought one of the requirements of having a place named after you was being dead (or is it for his father?)

The TSA and Homeland Security like to tout their initiatives to prevent unlikely movie-style terrorist plots and waste time foiling unlikely binary explosives. How about they spend just a teeny amount on securing our nation's airport computer networks?

The new arena of war and agression is the Internet. And the new special forces in this theater are the hackers (for good or ill).

And if you don't beleive that Islamic terrorists do not have people actively attacking our network infrastructures... well, I have a bridge in Alaska I want to sell you.

It's Like Choosing Sides Betwen Hitler and Stalin

I never thought I'd say this. I'm actually rooting for Wal-Mart, here.

Less-expensive CDs are something consumers have been demanding for years. But here's the hitch: Wal-Mart is tired of losing money on cheap CDs. It wants to keep selling them for less than $10 -- $9.72, to be exact -- but it wants the record industry to lower the prices at which it purchases them. Last winter, Wal-Mart asked the industry to supply it with choice albums -- from new releases from alternative rockers the Killers to perennial classics such as Beatles 1 -- at favorable prices. According to music-industry sources, Wal-Mart executives hinted that they could reduce Wal-Mart's CD stock and replace it with more lucrative DVDs and video games.

"This wasn't framed as a gentle negotiation," says one label rep. "It's a line in the sand -- you don't do this, then the threat is this." (Wal-Mart denies these claims.) As a result, all of the major labels agreed to supply some popular albums to Wal-Mart's $9.72 program. "We're in such a competitive world, and you can't reach consumers if you're not in Wal-Mart," admits another label executive.

This has got the RIAA shitting bricks. Wal-Mart is a huge percentage of their sales. Wal-Mart could severely hurt the music industry if they cut back on their inventory. Wal-Mart would barely notice; CDs are a loss-leader to them. The RIAA (and the associated labels) is the poster child for rampant greed. Yes CDs cost money to make, but to have the price point close to, and sometimes exceeding, DVDs? That's ridiculous. I cannot believe any album incurs more costs than a motion picture. It's about time someone with more clout puts them in their place.

Virtually no industry executives would publicly comment about their company's relationship with Wal-Mart. But off the record, many record-industry executives shared their concerns. "I don't think there is a music supplier in America who really enjoys doing business with Wal-Mart," says one major-label rep.

Oh, cry me a fucking river. After your shotgun legal cases aimed at file sharing, your insane profit margins, and the gouging of the majority of your contracted artists (anyone remember TLC declaring bankruptcy the same year they had a platinum record?) I have absolutely no sympathy when you end up being the ones bending over and taking it in the ass.

Lube up boys. Time to price your merchandise fairly (or at least more fairly than before)

Technology Tuesday

Kind of a light day, but here's an interesting stroll down memory lane. I remember almost all of these commercials.

A Brief History of Computers, As Seen in Old TV Ads

Uh Oh. Jack Chewed Through The Restraints, Again.

I don't even play Grand Theft Auto and I want to kneecap this publicity whore.

A US judge has rejected attempts to ban videogame Bully in Florida, after complaints it was a "public nuisance".

Judge Ronald Friedman said that violence in the school-based game did not mean it was a nuisance.

The attempt to ban the title was made by lawyer Jack Thompson, a well-known campaigner against what he believes are violent video games.

This goofball is the biggest moron out there. His biggest complaint is that this game will spawn more "Columbines". The idea that a game influences copy-cat violence is... tenuous, at best. Usually, there's a lot more going on in the noggin of a murderer and perpetrator of a violent act than a replay of the last game level they played. What I find most disturbing about his arguments is the he appears to remove any semblance of personal responsibility in the commission of a violent acts. And parental responsibility from actually, you know, raising a child. It's all the games (and by extension the developer's) fault. He sees the game industry as this insidious puppet master influencing millions of innocent teens around the world.

It's mind control, I tell ya!

He seems to have a real hard-on for Rockstar Games (of the Grand Theft Auto infamy). Every time they come out with a game, out comes the lawyerin' hat.

Here's the wikipedia entry on him. Read it. Especially the litigation section. It's good for a laugh.

Here's a fun Jack Thompson fact (I forgot he was the one that did this):

Thompson gave Reno a letter at a campaign event requesting that she check a box to indicate whether she was homosexual, bisexual, or heterosexual. Thompson said that Reno then put her hand on his shoulder and responded, “I’m only interested in virile men. That’s why I’m not attracted to you.” He filed a police report accusing her of battery for touching him. In response, Reno asked Florida governor Bob Martinez to appoint a special prosecutor to investigate. The special prosecutor rejected the charge and concluded that Thompson did it as “a political ploy.” Reno was ultimately re-elected with 69% of the vote. Thompson repeated allegations that Reno was a lesbian when she was nominated as U.S. Attorney General, leading one of her supporters, lieutenant governor Buddy MacKay, to dismiss him as a “kook.”

This guy is seriously insane, although I must admit I do enjoy watching him froth at the mouth. And arguing with 14 yr olds via email.

And losing.

I'm In Bizarro World

I am stunned by this. This is twice now that news has come out recently of the UN acting sensibly. First the rather stringent North Korea sanctions and now this.

Guatemala topped Venezuela in the first four rounds of voting Monday for a U.N. Security Council seat, but it failed to get the necessary two-thirds majority to win a two-year term on the powerful United Nations body.

That result opened the door for others to join the race, in what could be a blow to both countries' chances for a seat. Now diplomats will search for a compromise candidate to break the deadlock.

The results were an embarrassment to Venezuela's President Hugo Chavez, who had waged a highly public campaign on the claim that his nation would use its seat on the council to speak out against the United States. The U.S. and its allies argued that Venezuela's stance could stymie the council and undermine its credibility.

Venezuela's ambassador certainly did not go gently into the night.

Venezuela's U.N. Ambassador Francisco Arias Cardenas complained the United States has pressured countries worldwide to prevent Venezuela from winning the rotating seat.

I think Chavez's recent bit of performance-art at the UN last month was what prevented their seat. The UN figured out it would be exceeding its quota for crazy if Venezuela had been elected to the Security Council.

Paint me cynical, but I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. The UN will do something totally boneheaded (and completely in character) sometime soon.

Raise, Call or Fold

It appears that the UN has passed a somewhat toothy resolution in response to North Korea's alleged nuclear testing.

The U.N. Security Council voted unanimously on Saturday to impose financial and weapons sanctions on North Korea for its nuclear test in a resolution that Pyongyang called a "gangster-like" action.

The U.S.-drafted resolution, which said the reclusive Communist state's action was a "clear threat to international peace and security," allows nations to stop cargo going to and from North Korea to check for weapons of mass destruction or related supplies.

It's worth noting that while China did not approve of the searching of vessels, they still passed the resolution. I think this reflects just how much China recognizes Kim Jong Il as a madman. China does raise a valid point, we should act on intelligence, but not exercise this power willy-nilly. In stopping a bully, we should take care not to be a bully ourselves.

It does stop short of military intervention, and I think that may be a mistake. North Korea is no danger to privation and the regime has shown its willingness to let its people starve. I still feel military retaliation should be called for if they violate these sanctions, but I'll take what I can get. At least this is an actual sanction instead of a statement of condemnations.

The UN has taken the first step to regaining a spine. Now we just need to see if it takes.

That Rhymes With "P" and That Stands For... er... "Pee"

Classroom trash can used as toilet

A fifth-grade teacher allowed five students — a boy and four girls — to use a trash can as a toilet during a school lockdown drill when no one was supposed to leave the classroom.

During lockdown, the rooms are locked and no one is allowed to leave the room for any reason. These drills are usually practice against the eventuality of an armed intruder entering the school.

Philip Frandino has since been put on administrative leave with pay. And I'm not sure that's the correct reaction in this situation.

Kids, especially at this age, are not really known for their iron will with regards to bladder control. He had girls shield the girls with coats while the boys stood at the far side of the room with their backs turned. And vice versa for the boys. I have to say this is far less humilating than letting the youngsters piss their pants. And while the drill only lasted an hour, who's to say how long a real lockdown could last. I think this was a creative solution that afforded the most amount of privacy given the circumstances.

But we got trouble in River City. It appears he was reprimanded last year for another lapse in "judgement".

The Charleston County teacher, Philip Frandino, was reprimanded last year for putting cardboard around a student's desk and keeping him isolated from his classmates for two hours for talking, The (Charleston) Post and Courier reported Friday.

Huh. Reprimanded? For that? Again, sounds like a pretty creative solution to me. Listen, I was a trouble maker in school. Especially in fourth and fifth grade. More than once I had to drag my desk out into the hall because I caused disruptions. I'm sure if my teachers had come up with the cardboard barrier idea, they wouldn't have hesitated one second to use it. That way they could keep an eye on me while still conducting class. They probably would have gotten away with it, too (most likely with my parents cheering them on). I doubt anyone would have raised the issue about the imapact on my self-esteem this cardboard "chamber" would have created when I was in school. Then, it was understood that the need for discipline and acceptable standards of behavior were important parts of schooling. Now, however... well, we don't want to hurt Johnny's feelings, do we?

And what article is complete without a whiny, smugly self-righteous parent. Of course, the quote comes from the parent of the cardboard prisoner.

Last year, Caren Weldon walked into Frandino's fourth-grade classroom and found her son surrounded by a cardboard box.

She planned to re-enroll her child this year, but didn't when she found out Frandino would be her son's fifth-grade teacher, she told the newspaper.

"Thank you, Lord, my child is not in that class," she said. "It just shows he makes poor decisions when it comes to the children."

I'm sure she would have been singing a different tune if her kid had been the one to come home with pee drenched pants. Then, Mr. Frandino would have been making poor decisions regarding children, because he didn't take into account bladder control during the drill.

I really don't see what the uproar is about. Well, I guess I do. I just don't agree with it. And a teacher who has shown that he can think outside the box (and urinal) will probably be replaced by another group-think drone fresh out of college.

But Mine Is Bigger Than Yours

This is a little disturbing.

The United States has evidence of radioactivity from a site where North Korea was suspected of conducting a nuclear weapons test, a U.S. official said Friday.

The official said the evidence is preliminary, but if it is confirmed, the United States will be in a position to confirm North Korea's claim on Monday that it successfully set off a nuclear blast for the first time.

Well, crap.

Officials emphasize the data collected are preliminary and provide no conclusive evidence about the North Korean event.

It is possible there was no radiological data. That could be the case if: the North Koreans successfully sealed the site; it was such a small detonation and so deep underground there was no escape of nuclear debris; or the test was actually conventional explosives

I'd say that's just whistling in the dark, there. We need to go forward with the assumption that not only does North Korea have the technology to create a nuclear weapon, they also have the means to create more.

Unfortunately, the situation is more complex than it appears. China will most definitely block any resolution that includes military intervention. They will also not accept any resolution that would cut off aid and food. At first I thought it had more to do with the with the balance of military might, but I think there's a simpler explanation.

Refugees.

It seems North Korea has threatened to relax border security in the past, and China is absolutely terrified of this. Hundreds of thousands if not millions of refugees seeking to escape DPRK would flood across the Chinese border. This is one of the reasons China has substantially upped the number of forces on their shared border. There have been relatively tiny waves of people crossing before. And usually it was followed by outbreaks of theft and occasionally murder. And China does not want to deal with that.

Japan has already imposed unilateral sanctions on its own, refusing to deal with North Korea (imports and exports) and denying its ports to DPRK vessels. The UN will need to enact something similar at the very least. Demanding search rights for all vessels would be a good addition as well to deny North Korea the ability to sell these things to other countries or groups.

Unfortunately, given the UN's track record and weak-willed resolutions, I'm not going to hold my breath.