At Least He Didn't Ask Them About The 7th Planet

This story suggests one of two things: this guy has some serious sexual issues, or he never got over the 5th grade.

A former high school basketball coach faces 39 charges for allegedly hitting male students in the groin, showing them pornography and pouring water on his players then driving them to games in the winter with the windows rolled down.

Gregory Lynn Burr, 28, face charges ranging from sexual assault on a child by one in a position of trust to child abuse resulting in serious bodily injury, according to court documents reviewed by The Gazette of Colorado Springs. One of the students claims to have had scrotal surgery because of Burr's alleged assault.

He does not seem to think this is a big deal, although how he could ever think hitting a kid in the balls would fall under "OK things to do" is beyond me. This is a big deal. Especially the charge "sexual assault on a child by one in a position of trust". That carries some very hefty jail time and he's pretty much going to branded for life if he's convicted. All for a "joke" that was funny in elementary school for about 5 minutes.

Hey, maybe he'll get caught out by the pick-up-the-soap "joke" while in prison.

One can only hope.

Controversy Of The Week

I'm sure by now everyone has read the saga of Ashley X. (or heard for the less literarily inclined)

At first, I didn't know what to think. It seemed a little odd and even slightly barbaric. But then I figured, her parents have put up a blog, why not read their side?

A fundamental and universal misconception about the treatment is that it is intended to convenience the caregiver; rather, the central purpose is to improve Ashley’s quality of life. Ashley’s biggest challenges are discomfort and boredom; all other considerations in this discussion take a back seat to these central challenges. The “Ashley Treatment” goes right to the heart of these challenges and we strongly believe that it will mitigate them in a significant way and provide Ashley with lifelong benefits.

Unlike what most people thought, the decision to pursue the “Ashley Treatment” was not a difficult one. Ashley will be a lot more physically comfortable free of menstrual cramps, free of the discomfort associated with large and fully-developed breasts, and with a smaller, lighter body that is better suited to constant lying down and is easier to be moved around.

Ashley’s smaller and lighter size makes it more possible to include her in the typical family life and activities that provide her with needed comfort, closeness, security and love: meal time, car trips, touch, snuggles, etc. Typically, when awake, babies are in the same room as other family members, the sights and sounds of family life engaging the baby’s attention, entertaining the baby. Likewise, Ashley has all of a baby’s needs, including being entertained and engaged, and she calms at the sounds of family voices. Furthermore, given Ashley’s mental age a nine and a half year old body is more appropriate and more dignified than a fully grown female body.

I have to say that their arguments seem well thought out. And realistic. They have weighed the options available to them. Home care is expensive for an adult "child". Long term care facilities are abhorrent. At an adult's size, she will become too much for the parents to handle. Plus, reducing the primary sexual characteristics and side-effects (such as menstruation) for a mentally and physically disabled person sound valid and of overall benefit.

That being said, I am not in their position. I do not have anything remotely resembling this case in my life. And hopefully, I never will.

But that doesn't stop the jerk parade. Take a gander at the comments on Fox's Speakout:

"Sick, they are sick. With their logic, anyone who's not 100% perfect could potentially be sentenced for life in a zombie like state."— Bill (Virginia)

That is so slippery slope, I don't even know where to begin. Basically, it's the one of the stupider stances to base an argument on in the long, sad history of stupid arguments.

"As a mother, I cannot believe this story. It is absolutely disgusting what they did to this child. The parents and the doctors need to be held accountable." — Lisa (Portsmouth, NH)

Yes, and as a mother I'm guessing that you have never had to deal with this, have you? Try thinking seriously about what Ashley's condition really means. And imagine both yourself and your child having to live with this condition. It's fairly easy to throw a stone from a position of safety.

These fucking mouth-breathers get so high and mighty from the trailer park during the commercial breaks between Maury Povich and the People's Court. Thank god, they're there to set us on the right and moral path of enlightenment.

Asshats.

Seriously, I want to hunt down the majority of the "How dare they?" commenting crowd and whack them in the head with a clue-by-four.

Oh, Well Then...

I guess that makes it OK.

The Chippies

After reading crap like this, and this, I'm seriously considering going on a fifty state tour with the ol' wood-chipper.

I'd chronicle the despicable actions of these aberrant shit-bags, but it seems this kind of shit happens at a remarkably, and infuriatingly, high frequency. I'd run out of space and time.

So I've decided to come up with a monthly award entry. I'll call them The Chippies. The winner is the most deserving to be fed feet first into a wood-chipper.

The trophy will be a small bag of sawdust.

That Rhymes With "P" and That Stands For... er... "Pee"

Classroom trash can used as toilet

A fifth-grade teacher allowed five students — a boy and four girls — to use a trash can as a toilet during a school lockdown drill when no one was supposed to leave the classroom.

During lockdown, the rooms are locked and no one is allowed to leave the room for any reason. These drills are usually practice against the eventuality of an armed intruder entering the school.

Philip Frandino has since been put on administrative leave with pay. And I'm not sure that's the correct reaction in this situation.

Kids, especially at this age, are not really known for their iron will with regards to bladder control. He had girls shield the girls with coats while the boys stood at the far side of the room with their backs turned. And vice versa for the boys. I have to say this is far less humilating than letting the youngsters piss their pants. And while the drill only lasted an hour, who's to say how long a real lockdown could last. I think this was a creative solution that afforded the most amount of privacy given the circumstances.

But we got trouble in River City. It appears he was reprimanded last year for another lapse in "judgement".

The Charleston County teacher, Philip Frandino, was reprimanded last year for putting cardboard around a student's desk and keeping him isolated from his classmates for two hours for talking, The (Charleston) Post and Courier reported Friday.

Huh. Reprimanded? For that? Again, sounds like a pretty creative solution to me. Listen, I was a trouble maker in school. Especially in fourth and fifth grade. More than once I had to drag my desk out into the hall because I caused disruptions. I'm sure if my teachers had come up with the cardboard barrier idea, they wouldn't have hesitated one second to use it. That way they could keep an eye on me while still conducting class. They probably would have gotten away with it, too (most likely with my parents cheering them on). I doubt anyone would have raised the issue about the imapact on my self-esteem this cardboard "chamber" would have created when I was in school. Then, it was understood that the need for discipline and acceptable standards of behavior were important parts of schooling. Now, however... well, we don't want to hurt Johnny's feelings, do we?

And what article is complete without a whiny, smugly self-righteous parent. Of course, the quote comes from the parent of the cardboard prisoner.

Last year, Caren Weldon walked into Frandino's fourth-grade classroom and found her son surrounded by a cardboard box.

She planned to re-enroll her child this year, but didn't when she found out Frandino would be her son's fifth-grade teacher, she told the newspaper.

"Thank you, Lord, my child is not in that class," she said. "It just shows he makes poor decisions when it comes to the children."

I'm sure she would have been singing a different tune if her kid had been the one to come home with pee drenched pants. Then, Mr. Frandino would have been making poor decisions regarding children, because he didn't take into account bladder control during the drill.

I really don't see what the uproar is about. Well, I guess I do. I just don't agree with it. And a teacher who has shown that he can think outside the box (and urinal) will probably be replaced by another group-think drone fresh out of college.

Wood Chipper Sales at Record Level

I hereby nominate this waste of space for the wood chipper treatment. Willfully harming a child is bad enough, but to harm one because of fucking youth league baseball? How well does the average 8 year old play ball, anyway?

A youth baseball coach accused of offering an 8-year-old money to bean an autistic teammate so he couldn't play was sentenced Thursday to one to six years in prison.

Fayette County Judge Ralph Warman sentenced 29-year-old Mark R. Downs Jr. of Dunbar, Pa. to consecutive six-to-36-month sentences for corruption of minors and criminal solicitation to commit simple assault. A jury convicted Downs in September.

Warman revoked Downs' bond and sent him to prison.

Downs didn't speak at the sentencing but told reporters "I didn't do nothing" as he was led out of the courtroom.

Based on his statement, I'm guessing this brain-trust won't be haunting Mensa meetings any time soon. I'm sure in his small, puerile world he didn't do anything wrong. Anything to get a winning record is justifiable right?

Because, as I'm sure you know, the 8 year old baseball league is a stepping stone to the Majors.