The Reality Impared Consumer

I think it says a sad thing about the intelligence of the US consumer when a company feels the need to add obvious disclaimers. You know, like the commercials where there are explosions, people falling out of windows, or clinging on top of speeding vehicles. When you look closely, you will always see small text at the bottom of the TV saying: Performed by a professional stunt person. Do not attempt. These are the broadcast equivalent of product disclaimers on toaster ovens that state it may not be in your best interest to toast that French bread pizza in the bath (or is that Freedom bread? I've woefully behind on the jingoism of the week).

While my fervent hope is that these are just the product of over cautious lawyers putting these in preemptively, there very well could be legions of people out there immolating or defenestrating themselves in imitation of a commercial. Personally, I don't see that as a bad thing. Just a good cleansing of the gene pool as far as I'm concerned.

I was watching the playoffs this afternoon (yay, Bears!), and a Ford Edge commercial was played. It's the one with the funky, fuzzy rock music with a Ford Edge skimming across the edge of buildings (get it?) on two wheels. Now, I'm thinking, "Hey, that's a clever tie-in to the name, and some decent FX to boot (they managed to paint in the shadows)". Never once did it enter my mind "I gotta try that!" But at the bottom of the screen in tiny letters was this:

Yes, this is fantasy. Cars cannot drive on buildings.

Kudos to Ford for injecting some humor into the disclaimer. However, the fact that they felt it necessary means that somewhere in America this thought rattled through the skulls of the cognitively challenged.

Cool! I gotta try that... Wait, what's that say at the bottom... Aaww!

Many of these disclaimers create much amusement for myself and my friends, but the fact that they exist strikes a subtle terror into my heart. Things like this make me fear for the future.

Peace? Not Part Of My Christmas

Tis the season to be power mad asshole.

A homeowners' association in southwestern Colorado has threatened to fine a resident $25 a day until she removes a Christmas wreath with a peace sign that some say is an anti-Iraq war protest or a symbol of Satan.

Some residents who have complained have children serving in Iraq, said Bob Kearns, president of the Loma Linda Homeowners Association in Pagosa Springs.

He said some residents believed the wreath was a symbol of Satan. Three or four residents complained, he said.

Symbol of Satan? How idiotic are these residents? I mean, this symbol is almost as ubiquitous as the yellow smiley face. I suppose, if you squint your eyes, drop some acid, and drink a bottle of mezcal (eating the worm as well), you can kinda-sorta see an upside down cross. I bet these people probably saw the face of the devil in the debris cloud of the World Trade Towers on 9/11 and hear the backward masking on Judas Priest albums.

The resident says anti-war sentiments (and presumably the Church of Satan) were the furthest thing from her mind when she hung it up. In addition, the association committee refused to require her to remove the wreath saying, quite reasonably, that it's a legitimate seasonal symbol.

The dictatorial asshat of an association president fired them.

I think the wreath makes perfect sense. You know, the whole Peace on Earth thing? But Führer Kearns of the Loma Linda HA seems to have missed that connection to Christmas.

Looks like Kearns has also overlooked the Goodwill To Men part, as well.